A time comes in everyone’s life when they ask themselves “Wonder what crawled up Susan Dietz’s ass anyway?” Susan Dietz writes the Single File column where singles turn for advice.

As you see (way) below, she is not helpful. Yes she offers a suggestion in the second paragraph but one wonders if the recipient is going to make it there having been cast as a loser whose neediness oozes from every pore and, being informed of sounding so desperate, friends must run for the hills when they see said person coming. One imagines this advice-seeker turning to a chocolate cream pie if not the opium pipe at this point rather than reading further.
And for this, they pay her?
All I can think is that the letter was edited because it doesn’t seem all that whiny. A bit, but what the hell? Susan is only interested in letters from peppy people who write in for larks?  “Dear Susan, I’m single and loving it!  Not feeling down or temporarily at a loss in any way. Know what’s great? Your suggestion to find people with similar interests to one’s own. Stellar! Why no advice columnist had thought of that is a mystery. You have an exceptional mind and so caring, why you must hear success stories all-the-livelong-day.  Anyway, you’re boffo. Thanks for helping us not that we need help — we’re bubbling with confident, empowering energy —  but if we seek sham recycled tips, great to know you’ve got our backs!”

Here’s the real exchange lest you wonder if I would ever get here. I hope I’ve prepared you sufficiently for her meanitude!

DEAR SUSAN: Why do so many other people who are pursuing interests have a boyfriend/girlfriend already? That’s what you and everyone else tell me to do — pursue my interests — but I’ve come up empty so far. So how did all these single people end up with someone? They have what I want. How did they get it? — From the “Single File” blog

DEAR BLOGGER: I can’t tell you the details of how and where they met, but I am quite sure they didn’t roam the single world with neediness oozing from every pore. (Ahem.) Your desperation is so strong, so glaringly obvious, so evident from the get-go that for me, it’s frustrating; I can only imagine how your peers react. Wait. Don’t tell me. They probably run for the hills when they see you coming! Because no one wants to be friends with a loser. And that’s the way you cast yourself. Why don’t you realize that your extreme hunger for a loving partner is the very thing preventing you from finding one? It’s a Catch-22 — and a sad one.
In a way, you make a good case for filling your singleness with interests and the people who share them with you. So what if some of them are already coupled?! They have friends, some of whom are single. People like to be matchmakers and connect their friends with someone nice. But you are playing the loser so often (and so loudly) that even well-meaning friends are discouraged from helping you find love. Think about it.


2 thoughts on “Meanycakes!

    1. You know I think she’s just trying to help people. Oh are you the one who wrote her that letter? Are you the LOSER?

      Oh gosh, hope you pulled up your socks and found someone special at a stained glass class or the Get Fresh With Sprouted Legumes seminar down at the rec. center because Dinty, you sound like a nice person.

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