I made that Susan Stamberg cranberry relish. That’s the day I knew I was being brainwashed by the radio. Okay it took me several years after making Susan Stamberg’s cranberrry relish to realize that I was being brainwashed by the radio but I feel this was a turning point.

I am referring to a recurring recipe that is trotted out every Thanksgiving by NPR’s Susan Stamberg. It was her mother-in-law’s recipe and hence is called Mama Stamberg’s Cranberry Relish. It is made with cranberries, sour cream, onions, horseradish, etc. It comes out bright pink and as she describes it, like Pepto-Bismol.

Last year, after years of proselytizing this recipe, she came on the radio to be interviewed about her favorite cranberry substance recipe — and lo and behold — this wasn’t it.

No, she confessed that she prefers some other cranberry chutney recipe. Has done so for years in fact. But she’s loyal to her late mother-in-law’s cranberry relish recipe. By loyal, she seemed to suggest that she makes it and nobody goes near it. In fact, it was inferred that this relish is thrown in the freezer and brought out again the next year.

That may have been a joke but the whole story was such a giggle-fest, one couldn’t tell. Ha ha, it’s all been a hoax, what, you people have been making this shit?

Naturally I thought that would be the end of it. Surely after she had renounced her own relish, she would not be on the radio again telling everyone all about it.

Oh wrong. This year it was a  story about how someone contacted NPR to ask if they could make and sell this concoction at some farmer’s market. So the plot was about Susan Stamberg going to this farmer’s market to see if it was good enough for her relish and to find out if other things were being offered to torture people one supposes.

It was a fresh twist on the annual story about the pink cranberry relish. Nearly as fun as the year Coolio came on-air to taste it and of course, rap. He had his own cooking show called Cookin’ with Coolio: 5 Star Meals at a 1 Star Price that needed promoting at the time. Maybe he still does. I could find out; wait here.

Eh, never mind, don’t feel like it.

And why am I writing this, days after Thanksgiving? Because if I had let you all know about it — (those of you who didn’t already know about it) — you may have been seized with curiosity and made this mess. And I, unlike Susan Stamberg, would not have been able to live with myself.

And that other recipe, the one for the cranberry chutney. Yeah, whatever, I made that one too and that is how I knew I was being brainwashed by the radio. I mean that is how I knew I had hit absolute rock bottom with regard to being brainwashed by the radio.

Here’s one of the radio segments. (Not the Coolio one.)

One thought on “CranBismol

  1. Yes, you have been brainwashed by NPR! How else can it be explained that you recall a segment from LAST YEAR! When cooking, I always make a point to compare what I’m making with something unpleasant. I once made a chocolate brownie that resembled coal tar! Yummy!

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