My name is Pogsworth Pellinger and I am here to talk about my Peanut Butter Puffin problem. I shied away from the Peanut Butter Puffins for so many years because I didn’t think they could compare to Captain Crunch Peanut Butter Crunch: a round crunchiferous substance that took over my life, nearly ruined my personal and professional relationships, and did something quite permanent and nasty to my Wiffle ball pitch.

But I discovered something five days, nine and a half boxes, plus three and a quarter half-gallons of milk ago: Peanut Butter Puffins are muddafuffin better. Although I don’t think they turn the milk peanut-buttery the way the Ol’ Captain’s balls did, but who needs it, really? The less-porous Puffins stay so splendidly crispy.

I have to go now and uh …work on healing and recovering some more and yep, that sort of thing.

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