All right, yeah you’ve got your troubles, whatever. But I just went to that Coldstone Ice Cream and had crap cream!
First of all, it’s ridiculously complicated, and like Starbucks they have absurd names for the sizes. Small is called “Like It”, medium is “Love It” and large is” Gotta Have it.”
I screamed “Gotta Have It!” then commenced humping an ice cream cake.
Then when they pulled me off — (don’t worry my Little Tangerine Dream, they can’t keep us apart forever) I ordered banana ice cream with strawberries in a waffle cup with hot fudge — you know, for a light treat.
The banana ice cream tasted like nothing! The hot fudge was thin and double-blah and the waffle cup cone, cone cup, cone bowl cup, cup of cone of whatever tasted hideous!
They didn’t mention that it tasted terrible during the tutorial on the cone vs. cup cone vs. cyanide pill I had to endure.
This Introduction to Cone Cups vs. Regular Cones was as stupefyingly long and boring as the “So You’ve Been Selected For Jury Duty” video staring Fess Parker I once had to watch, but at least I got to sit in a dark room for that and didn’t have to feign comprehension as someone made a live presentation of all things cone-y except of course for the cone of silence.
That is one cone they don’t have and of course I refer to the hanging terror that they might break out in song at any moment which I didn’t worry about with Fess, or at least, it didn’t occur to me to worry about.
Because they sing you know. At least they did last time I went in there ten years ago. However, this was just one Cold Stone maybe-singer working on her own so what are the chances that she would start warbling away a la sturdy Deanna Durbin mid-scoop? I think the odds would be low but who knows, maybe this sudden singing thing is on a timer.
Should everything have a cute name, should everything be complicated( cone-plicated) when dealing with a product that melts?
I don’t think so.
Okay missy, I think I’ve made you feel small, mighty small about whining about your pesky little problems with your mother in the hospital and all.