I don’t get it. If it’s supposed to be the season of kindness and generosity and Tiny Tim is gonna make it; groovy Uncle Fezziwig vibes; plus that wonderful TV adaptation of The Gift Of The Magi with Marie Osmond: so why did the people at the bank go Loon City when I tried to take this Super Flying Grover from this cardboard box that was under the “Sharing Spirit Tree?”
Maybe they should change the name to the “Get The F%*@k Away Tree” if that’s how they feel about it.
They went full-conniption: worse than when they accused me of stealing that candy dish. Is it my fault the Tootsie Roll was stuck? Like I wanted the damn ugly thing in the first place.
Thought No. 1: Live longer than anybody else.
Then you can write what you want. This seems obvious but it can get tricky because there are other people involved. Mutual friends, relatives of the deceased and so on who might dispute your claims.
And what if your contemporaries penned their own account of events before they shuffled off? In this case, write “I know Lord Byron said in his book that we all went out for Spaghetti that night but it was Shrimp Croquettes. I remember because I had a great big grease stain shaped like a bent elbow on my favorite pullover.”
Thought No. 2: Write as If you are giving advice someone wants.
Be a Helpy Helperson: it is a useful approach to write in the tone of an advice columnist or seasoned veteran of your particular claim to expertise. (Much as I’m doing now.)
Because that’s what RJ does. He writes as if he is giving advice to a young actor starting out in Hollywood in the early 1950s. This tone continues throughout. There’s advice on what to do when you make the shift from movies to TV and what to do when people won’t pay you and all sorts of “what you need to know” tips via his life story.
It makes me ask “Where were you, RJ, when I needed you?”
Don’t judge me.
I only checked-it out from the library because Robert Osborne, host of Turner Classic Movie said it had a lot of interesting history about the changing of the guard of the old Hollywood studio system during the 1950s and stories about stars from The Golden Era etc.
And it does.
And I don’t read movie star memoirs but I’m sure there’s plenty worse writing out there.
Oh and another thing, there are plenty of people Robert Wagner (RJ to us) didn’t sleep with.
In fact, he’s working on a much slimmer volume entitled “Women I Met But Didn’t Go To Bed With: 1948-2016” (Probably won’t be as many photos in that one.) I wonder at times, if I’m too easily influenced by Robert Osborne, host of Turner Classic Movies.
When circumstances are overwhelming, problems insurmountable, when every time, every damn time you ask that guy at the produce stand “Are these apples mealy?” and he says no and they are mealy. Well it’s times like these that one is compelled to ask “What’s up with MacDonald Carey’s hair in Shadow of a Doubt, anyway?